Remember

I’m gay.

I’ve been sent to university at great expense – and I’m gay.

I have just noticed that the very expensive computer I bought does not have back lit keys

I wanted backlit keys.

I have reached out and dissolved 50 panadols in a glass of water

I am going to drink it.

God said – don’t do it.

Be honest – I am with you.

I am so completed burned out, I cannot put my thoughts down

And I think I may just give up

I have not written a poem in ten years

I don’t know what is going on with me.

I have a new car. A really nice one. It cost more than I’ve ever paid for anything before.

It is costing me too much to maintain

Over the last five years I have spent almost 5 million shillings on an online phone game

I cannot even look at the receipts

God has pulled me out of that one

I am broke today – but I have some savings

I am worried that I cannot pay the medical insurance for my Partner and myself

I am worried that I cannot afford to have Gloria in London any more

I don’t know what is going to happen with her

I cannot pray. I no longer meditate. It had been the biggest part of my identity the last ten years.

When I pray – I groan.

Whatever is excellent – think on these things.

 

Move

Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.

Matthew 17

 

Come

Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd. After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. Later that night, he was there alone, and the boat was already a considerable distance from land, buffeted by the waves because the wind was against it.

Shortly before dawn Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. 

When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear.

But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”

“Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”

“Come,” he said.

 

And will we be able to see who is Christian – and who is not?

“But each one should build with care. For no one can lay any foundation other than the one already laid, which is Jesus Christ.”

1 Corinthians 3

 

“He will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with singing.”

God Never Changes

Between the year 640 to 608 BC, the prophet Zephaniah spoke to the people of Israel. He warned them of God’s judgment, but he also reminded them of God’s promise for their future. 

“The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with singing.” 
Zephaniah 3:17 ESV

We aren’t the people of Israel in 640 BC hearing this, but, as students of God’s Word, we can also find comfort in Zephaniah’s words. 

We know that God came into our midst through Jesus and that He gave us His Spirit when we believed (John 1:14; Galatians 4:6). We also know that we are deeply loved by God (1 John 4:16). Paul teaches that the peace of God will guard our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus when we pray to Him (Philippians 4:6-7).

So although we are not Zephaniah’s original audience, we can find comfort in knowing that God is the same throughout all generations. He is still in our midst, He still actively rescues people, He still rejoices over us, and He still covers His children with His unending love.

He is still our mighty God, and He cares for those who come and call on Him.  

So today, take some time to thank God for His faithfulness and reflect on His unchanging character. Then, re-read Zephaniah 3:17 and speak that verse out loud over yourself and your family.

 

Is following Christ about suffering?

Is following Christ about suffering?

The happiness of Christians is Jesus’s reward for his death on the cross
I do not like Easter
I cannot see what Joy Jesus was given
I see him betrayed and beaten – and striped naked to die on the cross in front of his mum
Naked
This is all that became of his life for his mother
Crucified like a dog, naked in front of everyone
I ask – ok – you have my life
I surrender
But what happens to Christ?
Today I saw him on a throne, revelling in the Love of all those who have come to know him
Happiness is underrated
We owe Jesus happy lives
Happy both in the superficial way of being happy in life – being happy in relationship, being happy at work, being happy in having enough to live on – and in the deeper sense – being happy to be free of selfishness and greed and anger
I feel a call to being a happy life back to God
My happiness in life and in death, glorifies Jesus
And so I must be happy in life
I must find happiness in Christ
I think
—-†—-
God ‘raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet …’ [Ephesians 1:20-22].

‘God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father’ [Philippians 2:9-11].

 

Call me by your name

“I’m like you,” he said. “I remember everything.”

I stopped for a second. If you remember everything, I wanted to say, and if you are really like me, then before you leave tomorrow, or when you’re just ready to shut the door of the taxi and have already said goodbye to everyone else and there’s not a thing left to say in this life, then, just this once, turn to me, even in jest, or as an afterthought, which would have meant everything to me when we were together, and, as you did back then, look me in the face, hold my gaze, and call me by your name.

 

Amimo

The trumpeters and musicians joined in unison to give praise and thanks to the Lord. Accompanied by trumpets, cymbals and other instruments, the singers raised their voices in praise to the Lord and sang:

“He is good;
his love endures forever.”

Then the temple of the Lord was filled with the cloud, and the priests could not perform their service because of the cloud, for the glory of the Lord filled the temple of God.

– 2 Chronicles 13 –

I think of my sister who used to sing. Sing to praise God. Sing to celebrate life and to honour death.

Amimo

She so desperately needed to feel God’s love in this dirty, selfish world

I need to feel God’s love

Is the world dirty and selfish?

Can I see the good things m

The good people?

I pray to feel loved by God

 

Sin

Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires.  Do not offer any part of yourself to sin as an instrument of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer every part of yourself to him as an instrument of righteousness. For sin shall no longer be your master, because you are not under the law, but under grace.

Romans 6:12

 

I lack nothing

1 The LORD is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters,
3 he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake.
4 Even though I walk through the darkest valley,I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.
6 Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.