Did Jesus feel anxiety and fear?

As I have grown older I have developed a deep and constant anxiety.

I failed in my main dream of Life – I was going to be a film maker.

I did all the work, went to school – it’s taken me this long to see that perhaps this will not happen.

I’m fifty.

I’m not poor – I got a good inheritance from my father and mother and I am working it.

I face problems everyday with bills and the security of land and just juggling the estate to look after itself and my mother and my sisters.

It feels like I’ve accomplished nothing on my own.

I am grateful for my life. It’s full of time.

I wake up muttering the ‘Our Father’ everyday, filled with fear and desperation.

What if?

What if I lose it all?

So – I don’t want to wake up. Sleep is safer.

And when I’m awake, I don’t want to go to sleep because tomorrow will come.

It’s been a while and I’m afraid it’s poisoning my health. It’s been years.

I have faith.

I trust God.

And yet this is the fear in my life.

I know Jesus was a man and experienced it all.

But he had God. He believed without a doubt because he knew.

I have Faith and Belief – and only Hope that this is the way.

I meditate everyday.

I’m just calling out to God over this.

Help me.

Breath Joy and freedom and happiness back into my life.

Secure me for the time ahead – I’m too old to start working – I wouldn’t be hired anyway.

So. Give me some purpose… Some reason to be here everyday.

Look at my enthusiasm for life.

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Posted by on February 18, 2020 in Uncategorized


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Who said that a successful life is a life that God has blessed because you’ve done all the right things?

Who said that the way to beat sickness, to get that job, to have that car is to pray every night and stay close to God?

Don’t preach to men in Church if you’re a woman?

Be celibate if you are homosexual?

Because what happens when you do these things, and you’re not?

What happens when ‘bad’ people win?

All the time?

What happens when the most deserving effort is meet with failure?

And yet – I pray when I am in need…hoping… expecting a miracle.

What happens if God really can’t intervene in how your life turns out?

That Elon Musk made his own way and if you just lived with the same amount of risk and freedom and confidence, you too could get that dream you have?

So. It’s your fault.

When you look at the poor, or the wretched – violence all around them – they’re not good enough?

Something is wrong?

Prayer maybe? They’re not being ‘real Christians?’

Real Muslims?

Haven’t fasted enough, meditated the right way, eaten meat when clearly the only way is Vegetarian?

When can we count on God?

And what for?

Sometimes I find Peace in the middle of a raging storm.

Some happiness in just being me.

Maybe there is some freedom in doing only what I can.


If my life is a failure – if I haven’t accomplished what I set out to do – if people don’t respect me when I walk into a room….rush for the other guy with the big laugh…. should I pray?

Does God come?

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Posted by on February 17, 2020 in Uncategorized


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No. Kill them all.

Seen on Reddit:

For context (Deuteronomy 21:18-21):

If a man has a stubborn and rebellious son who does not obey his father and mother, or listen to them when disciplined, his father and mother are to lay hold of him and bring him to the elders of his city, to the gate of his hometown, and say to the elders, “This son of ours is stubborn and rebellious; he does not obey us. He is a glutton and a drunkard.”

Then all the men of his city will stone him to death. You must purge the evil from among you, and all Israel will hear and be afraid.

I grew up as an atheist gentile. When I look at the Old Testament and the Old Covenant, under the judicial law for the old nation of Israel, I would have been executed many times over for my sins. Many of the devout believers I meet could say the same. I thank God for my Lord Jesus Christ, who has saved me from a deserved death many times over.

When Jesus came to the world in the flesh, things changed. The Jewish Temple fell, the animal sacrifices ceased, Jesus being the sacrificial lamb is the final sacrifice that all the other ones pointed towards. And with the old nation of Israel that fell, so did that judicial law.

When the Pharisees tested Jesus and brought a woman guilty of adultery. By the law of Moses she was to be stoned to death. Jesus, being the Son of God, the Word made flesh, had the authority to say “Let you who is without sin cast that first stone.” The old judicial law ended with these words. With the New Covenant comes mercy, grace, and forgiveness.

It’s also important, for the sake of the readers who may be weak in the flesh, to note in the passage from Deuteronomy quoted above, the mother and father were to follow the laws of the government in handling the disobedient son. That means, they were instructed in that case to take them to the elders of the city (which for us would be the police). They were to confess their child’s crimes to the authorities (the elders). Then if the elders saw these things were true, and knew their parents would not lie about this thing, then they were to be dealt with according to the laws of the government at that time. I think that would be the modern day understanding of what was being practiced in Deuteronomy.

But Jesus would put an end even to that.

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Posted by on February 16, 2020 in Uncategorized


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– Revelation 22:14 –


“Blessed are those who wash their robes, that they may have the right to the tree of Life and may go through the gates into the city.”

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Posted by on February 14, 2020 in Uncategorized



Of Angels and men; why Christians wage war

This world, itself a speck in the universe, may be—perhaps as a scene of exceptional rebellion against God, certainly as a scene of God’s infinite goodness—a lesson to other spheres of being, far beyond our conception.

In reading Ephesians I find that the whole reconciliation of Jews to Gentiles and humankind to God through Jesus on the cross – is being witnessed by angels who are not only serving in ‘The City of God’ – but learning more of the wisdom of God as they watch our struggle with good and evil – with Christianity – here on Earth.

There’s a 90s film that I forget about angels who come to Earth to have a chance at living; i.e. that Earthly life is uniquely blessed. Anyone remember?


– Ephesians 3:10-12 –

– His intent was that now, through the church, the manifold wisdom of God should be made known to the rulers and authorities in the heavenly realms, according to his eternal purpose that he accomplished in Christ Jesus our Lord. In him and through faith in him we may approach God with freedom and confidence.

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Posted by on February 14, 2020 in Uncategorized


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I am

– Revelation 22:12-13 –


And, behold, I come quickly; and my reward is with me, to give every man according as his work shall be.

I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end, the first and the last.

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Posted by on February 5, 2020 in Uncategorized


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I heard his voice

– 2 Peter 1:17-18 –

17 He received honor and glory from God the Father when the voice came to him from the Majestic Glory, saying, “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.”
18 We ourselves heard this voice that came from heaven when we were with him on the sacred mountain.

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Posted by on February 3, 2020 in Uncategorized



Be Still…

– Pslam 46:10 –

“Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the Earth!”

When sometimes it’s all too much, be still.

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Posted by on February 3, 2020 in Uncategorized


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– Hebrews 6:15 –


“And so after waiting patiently, Abraham received what was promised.”

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Posted by on February 3, 2020 in Uncategorized


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Carry on

– Revelation 22:10-11 –

And he said to me, “Do not keep the prophetic words of this book a secret, because the time is near when all this will happen.

Whoever is evil must go on doing evil, and whoever is filthy must go on being filthy; whoever is good must go on doing good, and whoever is holy must go on being holy.”

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Posted by on January 30, 2020 in Uncategorized