I am mesmorised by the process I’m in right now, but fascinated. I’ve managed to lock myself into myself.
It’s day seventeen of postaday2011 , I’ve posted at least fifteen poems and four topics and I’m alternatively exhausted and exiliharated.
It’s not the actual work that’s doing it…the posts are relatively short. Of course the poetry is increasingly difficult, day in day out, but;
a) how many subjects can I find each day ? How can I find poetry EVERY SINGLE DAY/
b) why is this suddenly so important?
I have never written this way and I have this constant conversation going on. Usually I write when I want to write which usually means when I’m compelled to write, which usually means that the writing almost does itself, and certainly appears to be more meaningful.
What postaday2011 seems to be doing is drawing me out of myself, away from what I know, into God-Knows-What.
Yes I hear in my own voice, that thing that happens when people go on retreat, or writers to workshops and I find it hilarious. It’s like I’m in a course of my OWN making.
I don’t know when it will happen, and I’m absolutely terrified of what is going to come before that, which I know HAS to be failure in my own eyes and a re-negotiation of expectation, but I’m sure of it already, that when I get to day 365, I’ll be a different writer to what I am now.
Bleh! Wah! That just came out!
Ok. Does everything happen for a reason? I’m looking forward to reading all the clever posts about this because it sticks out to me as a topic that someone could be REALLY clever about.
Everything must happen for a reason, because it’s happening. Everything comes from somewhere. The question seems to ask, ‘can we interfere with those reasons?’
Was there a reason you;
-went to the college that you did?
-married the woman that you did?
-had the kids that you had?
-signed up to postaday2011?
Of course there was.
Is there fate behind these reasons, these choices?
Someone once told me that when coincidence starts showing up in your life, you better pay attention because something is happening.
Today an Uncle of mine, a very senior government official, called me over to his house. He wanted me to meet the Bhrama Kumaris. It’s a spiritual organisation. I got there, and we meditated, and it was all so strange.
In my college days, I did Jesus, I did Krsna, I read the Quran.
I starved and meditated and marvelled in all this new space.
So here I am, this Guru (a sweet, little Indian lady) is talking and I’m surrounded by a hundred normal looking devotees, and listening to hypnotic suggestion through CD and staring at the red picture of a point of light, radiating beams, hanging to the side of this Guru, and at the gold microphone, and the white robes and feeling nothing more than mild relaxation.
Honestly it was like a very bad movie. I was stunned at the blocks that came up. How far away have I come from that?
Anyway, then the Guru says that it’s good to only have only one thought for the year and hers is ‘don’t wait for tomorrow.’
I thought about that. I’ve heard it so many times, but i thought about that today, and it occurred to me that this whole year, everything, postaday2011, has been about that for me, and it has been coming years.
Don’t wait for tomorrow.
ok. I won’t.
-visit my poetry blog – http://kolembo.wordpress.com/ –
♦photo – 123rf.com♦