Last night I managed to get my post in, just on time. We had a power out for roughly eighteen hours and I had to use my phone. I thought about what if (it happens sometimes), my phones had not been charged? All four of them?
I remember having to run down the corridor to receive a phone call. I remember sitting infront of a type-writer all night, every night, writing my thesis. Tipex ruled.
I remember using phone booths to call long distance. And showing up for dates set up weeks in advance.
I remember my first computer. I was fourteen. It was the commodore 64…best games ever.
My friend wrote programs from their bedrooms in Pascal. They are millionares today.
Last night, I almost went mad. I paced the apartment relentlessly. I went to church (!). I ate lunch, and then ate lunch again. It did not occur to me to go out. It did not feel like I was free.
So frightening infact, that I’m going to take a weekend, schedule my posts, and camp out with the Bhrama Kumaris on a Meditation retreat. No phones, no lap-top.
You see, looking at it, ALL my friends are computer assisted matrix codes. I meet friends on line and potential sex partners in the real world. Somethings wrong with this picture I think.
It’s much easier to live on the internet. You are not seen, don’t have to ‘present’ yourself as such.
Actually, you do but you have control over your presentation. Too fat, too skinny, high-pitched laugh, bad skin…etc…not known. Then again nor are the great laugh and startling eyes.
There is no risk. I think that’s what it is. You risk far less, reaching out in a system that’s essentially black space…like tentacles of an anemone in the deepest sea you taste the environment, poking here, prodding there, retracting lightening fast if you contact chemistry that seems to burn.
Without risk there is less investment…in an emotional sense that is…I know people who invest an inordinate amount of time creating internet personas.
I read in a post somewhere this week; tell the truth about yourself, no matter what the cost.
In my life, it is the times when the costs were high, that I moved the fastest, the furthest, the lightest.
I am prepared to look at myself again, without the filtering of the internet.
I’m not sure who I’ll find.
-visit my poetry blog – Tomatos, Oranges & Other Fruit–
♦photos – webstockpro.com♦