I am looking at the 16th of this month on my calender and it is clear that this is where the crumble started.
I think I just snapped…argh! And you know, it’s o.k. It’s march, there are nine months to go and I think I’m just gonna have to breath deep, gird my loins and jump back on the wagon.
Ya, ok…have to work on my sayings.
Today, I had an excellent afternoon with two of my sisters. That’s them up top. Got me thinking…when do we grow out of family?
We’ve had fights that felt like nothing would ever mend. Loss of trust is the most serious thing that can happen to a relationship. Betrayal can seem impossible to forgive. Knowing something about someone, and using that particlar knowledge against them, can be irredeemable.
My sister, the one on the right, lost a child called Justine two years ago. They diagnosed her with cancer soon after that.
I’ve had a terrible couple of weeks. An inexplicable gnawing at the heart, deep and terrifying and a stifling inability to express anything at all.
She and I are twins. We visited the school we went to till we were eighteen, walked around a bit; she remembers things, I do not.
Infact, I remember what there is here, now, infront of me, and then it’s gone.
Today was a good day. I watched them, my sisters, walking and talking.
And there was no distance between us at all.
My dog Chester is dying. He won’t move tonight. My youngest sister has wrapped him up in a blanket and is doing what I can’t do…sleeping with him.
Tomorrow, I’ll make it all different. I shall wrap them both up in whatever remnants of love I can find lying about and tell them how much they have meant to me.
And maybe I can close this yawning gap I suddenly find separating me, from me.