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Filling in the gaps

25 Mar

I am looking at the 16th of this month on my calender and it is clear that this is where the crumble started.

I think I just snapped…argh! And you know, it’s o.k. It’s march, there are nine months to go and I think I’m just gonna have to breath deep, gird my loins and jump back on the wagon.

Ya, ok…have to work on my sayings.

Today, I had an excellent afternoon with two of my sisters. That’s them up top. Got me thinking…when do we grow out of family?

We’ve had fights that felt like nothing would ever mend. Loss of trust is the most serious thing that can happen to a relationship. Betrayal can seem impossible to forgive. Knowing something about someone, and using that particlar knowledge against them, can be irredeemable.

My sister, the one on the right, lost a child called Justine two years ago. They diagnosed her with cancer soon after that.

I’ve had a terrible couple of weeks. An inexplicable gnawing at the heart, deep and terrifying and a stifling inability to express anything at all.

She and I are twins. We visited the school we went to till we were eighteen, walked around a bit; she remembers things, I do not.

Infact, I remember what there is here, now, infront of me, and then it’s gone.

Today was a good day. I watched them, my sisters, walking and talking.

And there was no distance between us at all.

My dog Chester is dying. He won’t move tonight. My youngest sister has wrapped him up in a blanket and is doing what I can’t do…sleeping with him.

Tomorrow, I’ll make it all different. I shall wrap them both up in whatever remnants of love I can find lying about and tell them how much they have meant to me.

And maybe I can close this yawning gap I suddenly find separating me, from me.

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4 Comments

Posted by on March 25, 2011 in postaday2011, Uncategorized

 

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4 responses to “Filling in the gaps

  1. kenny

    March 25, 2011 at 23:42

    Hi you all! Getting to you slowly. Hope you’re all doing well and I’ll see you soon.

     
  2. lesser angel

    March 26, 2011 at 06:43

    You – and Chester – are in my thoughts and heart today.

     
  3. Tilly Bud

    March 26, 2011 at 12:02

    I’m so sorry about your dog.

     
  4. lesleehare

    April 13, 2011 at 08:31

    Hi, Friend! I have been absent and have missed you. I just wanted to stop by and say hello 🙂 Your latest post touches me in many ways. I particularly relate to your words about your sisters. I notice I’m sending this weeks after your last post – I hope you’e doing well! Blessings to Chester… Best wishes, Leslee

     

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