I don’t know how to start this particular post.
I haven’t been on in almost four months…so…and have learned certain things.
People who’ve blogged for years, are God. No kidding.
Committing to keeping a blog is NOT EASY.
I started well enough, and managed just under two months of daily blogging.
Checked my stats, scrolled through other peoples blogs, subscribed to dozens, each day the time spent on the computer grew and grew. When the crash came, it was complete.
Several questions I needed to answer:
1. Why am I keeping a blog?
-what’s all this about ‘my audience’? Who is that?
2. What is so difficult about putting a piece of me on record everyday?
-am I boring? Do I have an ordinary life? What’s wrong with that?
3. What’s fear got to do with it?
I forgot that I’m just supposed to put something down everyday. At least on this blog. Trying to write a creative blog and be creative everyday is work.
So I thought to myself of all the stuff that has happened to me since I logged off. Tons. At the time, it sure didn’t feel like it. Or it felt like there was SO much going on that I needed time out to sort it out.
Like this – if I can just sort it out, I can write about it so much better.
It doesn’t work like that. I fell in love and that whole experience is now not available as an immediate experience. I can only write about it in retrospect.
How do you explain the soaring, electric, what-shall-I-wear moments, the shit-I-can’t-get-it-up! uncertainties of falling in love again in your 40s?
I discover that I’d have loved to read all that in real time.
And after four months, I discover too, that I am free.
So I’m back. Let’s see if I can finish out the year.