Day three: Who loves you?

27 Feb

I am tired.

I am irritated.

Yesterday I went to three different church services. Didn’t get anything at all, left the third one early.

I was supposed to be thinking about thanking the people who love me.

Went through the usual list – my mum, my sisters, my boyfriend.
Ok…they love me.

I really don’t get the feeling though, why it’s so important.

Thought about my Dad a lot, hoped that I had told him I love him well enough before he died.

We didn’t really speak. I don’t think we liked each other a lot – or maybe there was just this huge, yawning distance that we didn’t cover while we had the time.

I was afraid of him, and when I told him I was gay, he became afraid of me.

Got me thinking how we expect things from life.
How when things go different we are trapped in disappointment.

He was a good man, provided well, and I know he loved me.

My mum too, although now she forgets things and gets angry.

My sisters? I don’t know…they fight a lot. There’s always shouting around them. I feel like I’m walking egg shells, and it tires me out.

Still, their always there when stuff gets difficult, like health, or a fight with someone bigger than me.


Friends grow up and become doctors and ministers and drive big cars.

Still, I have one friend, a girl called Rhoda, who I’ve known all my life. Who makes me feel important and human.

I am wondering whether Jesus knew he was loved? After all, he was surrounded by groupies!

But really, was he ‘thankful’ for the people who loved him?

Did Jesus love himself?

You know, that whole thing – you can’t love unless you can love yourself – where in the bible are there examples of that?

I’m in the desert, day three, irritated already, and I want to know – Jesus so easy to say things like ‘love your neighbor as you love yourself’ – and preparing to have himself killed – I want to know, did he love himself?

“How good and holy pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity!” (Psalm 133:1)


Posted by on February 27, 2012 in Uncategorized


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3 responses to “Day three: Who loves you?

  1. Paula Tohline Calhoun

    February 27, 2012 at 23:33

    Hey Kenny! I did a post for you for Day 3. It is still pending, and I was wondering if you have “found” it yet! If you would rather not post it, that’s OK too! I will be commenting on Day 4 later on today, after I have spent some time with the thought for the day.

    Keep on walking!

  2. kolembo

    February 28, 2012 at 03:59

    oh lovely!

    I’m learning….so on my dashboard it will read as pending? i’ll check!

    I thought about you all though my run yesterday…wht you might be doing…where you are…I’m having the time of my life.

    Really. It’s all started, stuff coming at me and utterly amazed at walking wkth you.

    It’s the oddest connection. Each day is really deep, and then deeper as I realise someone else too, is talking.

    It’s hard, it’s strange, it’s already very special.

    Today I found myself some peace in the midst of turmoil and I was flumuxed. Imagine that. Peace.

    Every so often I remember that there is another walking with us, and I become sad…but I can hear him.

    Not so clearly, but I hear him.

    I can’t wait to see what I’m meditating on tomorrow. Sometimes I read them, and she’s so Catholic! I’m Baptist by family, but those are just labels.

    I am determined to see this through.

    I think I’ll drop by your board this week and just spend some time there.

    Ok, tomorrow Paula.

    Oh – do you know why lent and easter come together? I’ve done easter before but this is my first lent.

    I thought it was about walking Jesus through his forty days in the desert, but then what about his walk to the cross?

    I’ve collapsed them into one this year – and the ride is very humbling.

    I want to put all the thank – you’s for the last ten years all in these 40 days.

    I want to tell him thank you.

  3. kreemer

    February 24, 2017 at 13:11

    I didn’t write a comment to myself today.
    So there.

    What is purity?


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