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Day Nine: More loving conversations!

03 Mar

Hahaha!

This business is getting strenuous indeed.

When I woke up to todays meditation topic, I didn’t know if I’d read it correctly. Didn’t I just spend the day before being focussed on Conversation?

Anyway, off I went, into a day consummed by listening to my own conversation.

I was late to a meeting an had a depreicating conversation about that with myself. Silly man, should have left a litle earlier.

Made a specific choice WITHIN that meeting that meant that I didn’t have the opportunity to meet fully with a very close relative of mine, and had another depricating conversation about that. Why do I constantly put myself and my needs behind everyone else’s?

Wrote an sms to my sister to sort out an ugly conversation we had had the night before – you know – tried to be reconciliatory whilst still speaking my truth. Ahhhh. Not sure if I got it right.

Listening to a guest speaker from London speak at a retreat on Making Connections to God and to Self, I was taken by what effect words can have from a good speaker.

And having lunch afterward, I had a conversation with an Ismaili couple that left me feeling honored and re-newed, hoping I had done the same for them.

I was very aware of conversation outside myself.

This Catholic Woman who I receive my daily meditations from is kooky. I mean, how much loving can you do?

How much gratitude can you pour out?

But I hear her, and have a respect for men and women of the cloth for whom the concern with goodness is a way of life.

I’m just an ordinary human being so I find myself confronted by all this soul searching and goodness.

As I wind down with Jesus today, I notice that I and my friend are not the only ones here, that there are others who have brought what little they have – blankets and food – and are sharing amongst themselves the news that people town are angry, and something is about to happen.

Already I have broken many of the sacrifices I had promised.

Two remain; the first, one not to drink, and the second, not to use porn during this period.

I am missing these pleasures, happy to be placing them on the fire.

I wonder if they are too dirty to be offered.

I am inward looking, sombre.

I am revisiting the words I heard today – that I should first go forward into life, then inward, then upward towards God, then outward.

Lots of travel then.

“And the passersby say not God bless you.” (Psalm 129:8)

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2 Comments

Posted by on March 3, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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2 responses to “Day Nine: More loving conversations!

  1. Paula Tohline Calhoun

    March 4, 2012 at 05:30

    Sounds like you are still not speaking lovingly to yourself.

    BTW, there is only one gift that God wants, and that is you. God doesn’t want your money, your bad habits, your good habits, your good will, or your sacrifice. God only wants you – all of you. Making sacrifices is not necessarily the way to give yourself to God. Remember when Paul told the Philippians: “Finally my brothers (and sisters), whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things.. . .And the God of peace will be with you.” 4:8-9

    You will have to decide for yourself if the things you have given up and still miss are things that fall into the categories that Paul spells out! I have a problem with food. In itself, food is not a bad thing, and can be a good thing – but when it takes up too much of your time, attention, and love, then it is a big problem. So, you see we both struggle! Food is sort of like sex in that way – you see sex is a wonderful thing, but can be a roadblock to the life you are longing for, because it can become the center of your life, or a fixation, or something more important to you than God and God’s children. We just have to take the time to think about what we are doing – and do our best to focus ourselves on the good stuff! Pray for me!

    More loving conversations. Such a wonderful goal, so hard to achieve. But I do believe that it is at least possible to speak more lovingly than we have. There is an old expression that came along among black people in this country at the end of slavery: “We ain’t what we should be, and we ain’t what we’re gonna be, but praise God, we ain’t what we was!”

    It is good to have others around the campfire, yet still at times I long for solitude. Jesus smiled when I told him that. He told me to relax and remember that even when I can’t see him amid the crowd, he is always right there, next to me, whispering love into my ear.

    Bring out the extra blanket that’s in your knapsack. Might be chilly tonight. Stoke the fire. I’ll be there.

    Paula

     
  2. kolembo

    March 4, 2012 at 06:05

    Just up, Sunday morning.

    Yeah, I’ve identified my self-conversation as something to look at.

    I haven’t given anything up voluntarily for a long time so I figured that I’d give up something I’d actualy notice that I’ve given up.

    Food and water?

    I’m such a bad eater already! I think it comes from the very difficult time I had at University in London, I learned to give up exerything expect the absolute essentials.

    Perhaps that smell of burning is a good thing. I’d be happy if I saw it through.

    See you this evening.

     

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