This business is getting strenuous indeed.
When I woke up to todays meditation topic, I didn’t know if I’d read it correctly. Didn’t I just spend the day before being focussed on Conversation?
Anyway, off I went, into a day consummed by listening to my own conversation.
I was late to a meeting an had a depreicating conversation about that with myself. Silly man, should have left a litle earlier.
Made a specific choice WITHIN that meeting that meant that I didn’t have the opportunity to meet fully with a very close relative of mine, and had another depricating conversation about that. Why do I constantly put myself and my needs behind everyone else’s?
Wrote an sms to my sister to sort out an ugly conversation we had had the night before – you know – tried to be reconciliatory whilst still speaking my truth. Ahhhh. Not sure if I got it right.
Listening to a guest speaker from London speak at a retreat on Making Connections to God and to Self, I was taken by what effect words can have from a good speaker.
And having lunch afterward, I had a conversation with an Ismaili couple that left me feeling honored and re-newed, hoping I had done the same for them.
I was very aware of conversation outside myself.
This Catholic Woman who I receive my daily meditations from is kooky. I mean, how much loving can you do?
How much gratitude can you pour out?
But I hear her, and have a respect for men and women of the cloth for whom the concern with goodness is a way of life.
I’m just an ordinary human being so I find myself confronted by all this soul searching and goodness.
As I wind down with Jesus today, I notice that I and my friend are not the only ones here, that there are others who have brought what little they have – blankets and food – and are sharing amongst themselves the news that people town are angry, and something is about to happen.
Already I have broken many of the sacrifices I had promised.
Two remain; the first, one not to drink, and the second, not to use porn during this period.
I am missing these pleasures, happy to be placing them on the fire.
I wonder if they are too dirty to be offered.
I am inward looking, sombre.
I am revisiting the words I heard today – that I should first go forward into life, then inward, then upward towards God, then outward.
Lots of travel then.
“And the passersby say not God bless you.” (Psalm 129:8)