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Day Twelve: @#$%^&! Furthmore….^%$#@!

06 Mar

I am continually amazed at how young British kids speak.

I will not sterotype – but they are foul. They are.

I’ve never been able to swear.

What swear words decribe is so awful… these are words designed to kill.

Now, I CAN watch it on TV, and you know, there are times, as long as it’s OTHERS DOING it and the context is at least explainable, when I get it.

You have a go….try it.

You have to be angry.

You have to be protecting something that you think is under attack – namely your sense of self.

You cannot actually MEAN what you are saying, and if you do, there is no denying how depraved you are.

I don’t believe people who swear have ANY idea what they are saying. Think about it. They have to look like they do, they have to sound so ‘ARD, that even their mothers are game.

But really…it’s because they don’t believe that words can harm, and they won’t be responsible for ‘just words’. These words kill their speakers. Utterly. You cannot ask for forgiveness for profane-ness against your mother unless you invoke – at the very end – I didn’t mean it.

And yet there you are.

It’s astonishing, and I’m embarrassed that at this age I find it so.

I haven’t spent the day with people. I haven’t listened to conversation, nor engaged with it, and this weekend I’m in a silent retreat so if tomorrows meditation is still on conversation then I’m #$%^*&ed!

You know, when my niece died, her mother stood up at the end of the funeral, after everyone had said what people have to say about dead people, and said – she never shouted at me. Ever.

I may not have been the best Son in the world. I think I’ve shouted at my mother once and that was bad enough. I have NEVER sweared at her. Or my sisters. Or my lovers.

I have used those words before, in situations, at life, rarely.

I’m not a prude. I just cannot look at a person and swear at them.

Perhaps I haven’t faced the right person. If I were Syrian….a woman raped…a citizen victimised by the police. I don’t know.

But I AM GRATEFUL for that, deeply so.

I am thankful that my spirit would not allow a habit to form from which there is no return.

More than anything else, we are the owners of what we say – and will be judged that way. Every single thing we have ever said will be brought to question, whether or not we can explain it.

My Grandmother once showed me (she had this way of spinning dreams) that justice is the sound of you in heaven.

It’s like smearing myself in *&%$ and walking around, wondering why no-one likes me.

It’s like digging your own grave and it’s inescapable. Mercy may defend you from what you do to others but I don’t know if even Jesus can stand between you and your words.

It’s a question that I’m gonna ask him tonight.

It’s been a dusty day, everyone’s brushed the same caramel brown, and Jesus .is doing cabaret at the camp fire.

“The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell.”(James 3:6).

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4 Comments

Posted by on March 6, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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4 responses to “Day Twelve: @#$%^&! Furthmore….^%$#@!

  1. Paula Tohline Calhoun

    March 7, 2012 at 08:33

    Oh so true. I remember reading somewhere several years ago that in a questionnaire to grade school students throughout Great Britain, the overwhelming response to the question “What does Jesus mean to you?” answered that “Jesus” is a swear word. Profanity has always bothered me a great deal more than obscenity, although I don’t like either one. i can generally watch movies that have elements of both – particularly the ubiquitous and meaningless “F” word, by letting it just pass over me. My husband cannot do that. I understand how he feels. But I love movies more than he does. Also, in books, I consider the context in which the narrator or speaker is in and judge accordingly. Flagrant use of ugly language and.or behavior sickens me and I shut it out.

    I’ll close by giving you a link to a post I wrote about willful ignorance/innocence and my first exposure to ugly language:

    http://paulatohlinecalhoun1951.wordpress.com/2010/11/08/innocence/

    It was a long and involved day, and I am falling behind in getting everything done, but I wanted to get this comment in, because the subject was on my mind for much of the day. I was at the campfire – I was the one over on the edge of the circle, keeping silent and listening for the still small voice of wisdom higher than mine!

    I’ll be talking to you later. . .

    Paula

     
  2. kolembo

    March 7, 2012 at 10:35

    I think I creeped over and sat with you. The shoreline’s disappeared. We’re marooned in the desert with a group of looneys!

    Ahhh, this week on conversation has been difficult, it just goes on.

    But such focus on speech has me REALLY focussed on speech!

    See you tonight

     
  3. Titirangi Storyteller

    March 7, 2012 at 10:35

    I think I feel much like you do re swearing a cuss words… it’s not that I never use them – but it’s very sparingly and when I do it really means something. This is very different from my darling husband, for whom there are few events or non-events that do not warrant a f#$k or sh*t… usually loud and angry. but sometimes low and with a sense of awe… He is also a writer, so whilst I wish to say that people who have great respect for words and language in general tend to swear less, he flies right into the face of that argument…

    But one thing I think you hit the nail on re the use of foul language by British schoolkids or otherwise – is that to use them most effectively there must be anger and rage… and this is where I get into disagreements. I see the guttural curseword cry as a sort of trigger to real rage and real upset. He tells me things don’t bother me. I tell him that they bother me as much as they do him – but since I don’t pull the trigger or swearing, I don’t go to that enraged place he manages to find himself in… Not sure that makes sense…

     
  4. kolembo

    March 7, 2012 at 10:52

    I get that!

    I think swearing has become so generalised that the context has become so far removed from what the words actually mean.

    And really people don’t really mean those words – the words are standing in for expression.

    I think worse than swearing is the notion that we can dictate what people can and cannot say.

    Censorship is the highest presumption of power. More against that than swearing.

    Still, I’ve tried it and I can’t get the words out of my mouth!

    How are you by the way? I’m hiding out on this side….having a very difficult time with poetry…it seems to dreg up all these blustery emotions at the moment, I feel like I’m in a hurricane!

     

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