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Day fifteen: Thinking about forgiveness

09 Mar

I don’t know what I was expecting.

I’m tired of looking at myself…..ahhhhhhhHHHHHH!

Today I’m to make a list of all the people I would like to be forgiven by.

There are so few…hahaha!

No really, all I can think of is my Sister, but I’ve done this before and it just seems to leave the door open to more rubbish.

I get to a perfectly workable relationship, then I open the door and the same rubbish walks in.

Sigh. I wonder if you can forgive but ask the person to stay away?

It’s going to be a long week. I really can’t think of anyone I need to forgive. I have no grudges that I’m carrying, nothing that comes up.

Except myself and God.

I have alot of regrets in my life. I was never the person to think that I would but I experience these moments of regret.

It’s everywhere. All my memories have been taken over by regret.

I don’t know when it happened but I feel like all the choices I made were wrong, all the experiences I’ve had are fake, all the friendships I’ve had, I’ve not been good in.

Tonight round the fire, everyone is quiet. No-one’s talking, not even Jesus, we’re looking into the flames and being together.

I want to ask him what he means when he says he has the power to forgive.

By whose authority? When he says God’s, what does he mean?

When he takes about his father, who is he talking about? The Hebrew guy…Abraham etc?

What about my lot? Where are my ancestors in all this?

Anyway, I stare at the flames and resolve to see this through. Wherever he goes, I go.

“Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.” (Luke 11:4)

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4 Comments

Posted by on March 9, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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4 responses to “Day fifteen: Thinking about forgiveness

  1. Daniel O. Casey

    March 10, 2012 at 00:30

    The road less travelled is often littered with stones,

    Stones are used to build unbreachable walls

    Those walls thus built, are us.

    Good luck on your path my friend. I pray you find the answers you seek.

    Dan.

     
  2. kolembo

    March 11, 2012 at 14:20

    Hey Daniel!

    Great couple of lines…had to re-read them, so uplifting. Ha…a lovely stone!

    Hope all is going well for you and the boys and mummy.

    On, on

     
  3. Paula Tohline Calhoun

    March 11, 2012 at 19:58

    I have been here all along, I promise. My writing has been truncated somewhat by my current bout with insomnia. My ability to write anything cogent except a rant or two has been spotty at best. By the time I’ve finished my blog, I have been about DONE! But, I have paid attention to each day”s challenge, and want you to know I have not abandoned you. I will do better – at least that’s my earnest desire – in future!

    I wrote a poem about “walls” when I had spent a long time trying to knock one down between a fellow blogger and myself. We both like each other very much, but also misunderstand one another (even though good-natured) about some very elemental areas of faith and how we practice it. So you won’t have to link to it, I’ll post it here as my response for Day 15 and forgiveness – I have two people that I need to forgive, one man who did his utmost to discredit, shame, and humiliate my husband (unsuccessfully, I might add), and most of all myself. Even knowing that God forgives me does not help me on the road to self-forgiveness. I crave it, and even wonder if I would know it if I had done it! That’s part of the reason I wrote about walls – walls that are built between myself and others, and walls that I build between myself and God. I feel like this whole thing is easier than I am making it, and perhaps I am seeing roadblocks where none exist. . .

    It’s Hard to Love a Wall
    © Paula Tohline Calhoun 2011

    Once upon a time, I thought
    I’d never met a wall
    That I could not break down or scale
    Or magically make fall.
    But then I found there were some walls
    That firmly filled their space
    They would have been quite beautiful
    If in some other place.
    But some of the walls that challenged me
    Were the ones that had a door
    Boldly I would walk right through
    To find that there were more –
    Wall after wall stood across my way
    They would not fall nor yield.
    There was nothing I could do or say,
    No wall-razing weapon to wield.
    I felt like giving up on it,
    Ceding that I was bested.
    But then an idea came to me,
    That I had never tested.
    I chose at last to see the wall
    In a wholly different light.
    I allowed the wall to speak to me
    Before my words took flight.
    Then I spoke a word of peace,
    And sometimes I would see
    The roads themselves shrug off the walls
    To make the pathways free.

    The whole post (about walls) is here if you want to read it.

    http://paulatohlinecalhoun1951.wordpress.com/2011/05/04/ever-hit-a-brick-wall/

    I’ve been there each night. . .sitting farther from the flames than usual. Things had been getting a bit too hot for me.

    I’ll see you soon – you might have to turn around to find me, but I’ll be there.

    Paula

     
    • kolembo

      March 11, 2012 at 21:01

      hi paula!

      Lovely one on walls ‘mam. As for writing, we’re just settling in – and I think we prepared well.

      I always feel like you’re walking with me….we’re plodding through quick sand!

      We’ll find treasure, I’m sure.

      Onward.

       

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