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Day sixty; Giving joyfully

01 May

I was waiting for this one to come up.

The act of giving can seem like a chore sometimes.

I get frustrated by the motions I go through – sorting out those doubts (will my gift be used well), those feeling of lack (I don’t have enough for even myself), those of reward (I’ve done something good, see!).

I go through one or all of them everytime I give.

It happens automatically and I dislike it intensely, because I just want to give, whatever I’m giving, my time, my money, my co-operation, my love – without having it colored by anything else except my intention to share.

I get there in the end most times, but then I’m angry sometimes, when the opportunity arises, that it first presents these challenges in my thought, when I had just been moving along through life.

Giving time is the most difficult for me. I get bored easily, I like to run my own schedule, I’ve never really been accountable to anybody else for my time.

I also am not always very sure of myself.

Where I can remember to, I give as well as I can, and even when I am challenged, mostly I am committed enough to giving that I make it through.

Giving is my way of saying thank you to life and God for being with me when I didn’t deserve it.

Giving is my way of showing life that I can make choices inspite of ‘how things are going’ that are my own.

Giving is my way of really talking to God.

Each one must give as he has decided in his heart, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. (2 Corinthians 9:7)

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1 Comment

Posted by on May 1, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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One response to “Day sixty; Giving joyfully

  1. Paula Tohline Calhoun

    May 1, 2012 at 21:27

    A cheerful giver. That is the goal. And usually that is how I feel, although not always, and it is my own failing. My ultimate goal is to give and then forget the gift. I hope that has happened in my life -I don’t kniow, because I forgot it if it did! I do know and remember times that I gave and felt so good about myself, that I gave myself any reward I might have gotten – and a better one – had I been unconscious of the giving. I guess what we should strive for is a way of living in which giving is so much a part of our lives and actions, that we give all the time unconsciously – just as we breathe. It is completely innate, and not done on a conscious level. That would be nice, I think. Then I wouldn’t ever have to worry about how what I give is used – that would be of no concern for me, beause I wouldn’t even truly be aware that I am giving!

    Anyway, we keep trying, and i know that God loves our efforts. And something else I have learned – I asked my Mom once if God got angry if I used “bad” language in my head – even if I didn’t say those words out loud. Her answer was interesting to me, and it applies as well to our head-talk that we engage in before giving something. She said that God is aware of the fact that we are making an effort not to behave in such and such a way,and is therefore pleased that we try. It means that we are at least thoughtfully considering our actions instead of ignoring God’s examples through Jesus.

    So. I have “yakked” enough for today. I still have today’s post to get up! BTW – have you written any poetry lately? I really wanty to read some of it! I need a “Kolembo” poetry fix! ūüėÜ

    Remember who you are!
    Paula

     

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