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Day seventy nine; Rage Vs. Resignation

29 May

 

 

“Be angry but sin not; commune with your own hearts on your beds and be silent. Offer right sacrifices, and put your trust in the Lord.” (Psalm 4:4-5)

 

Ha.

I feel as though I have failed every aspect of todays verse.

I resigned.

I gave up the battle and just didn’t bother about right and wrong, about sacrifice, about being pure.

I was base in my thinking, selfish in my actions, and redolent with life.

 

I had a ‘what does it matter anyway’ attitude.

 

I feel it as a loss of faith.

Not caring what happens is not a victory. It’s a defeat.

I’ve learned enough so far to know about Patience, Positivity, Certainty…

I feel non of those things.

 

So I gave up trying – too difficult.

 

I missed church AND meditation on Sunday, my run this afternoon, and now I’m heading off to bed.

I am being petulant.

 

I am sulking and I don’t even know why.

 

I’ll laugh at myself some other time.

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Posted by on May 29, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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