“For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature: And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence [sic] of their error which was meet.” Romans 1:26-27
I’ve had an uneasy week.
Today I went to meditation in the morning…learned about Discernment and Humility.
Discernment is how we choice between this, and that, between understanding humility as pride, penalty or power.
It is the ability to understand the situation and to choose between what is available, what is right, or good or helpful.
I was late getting to church.
As I was driving in, I noticed the security guard at the gate.
I crept into the large tent that serves as shelter and took a chair right at the back.
I had been thinking about giving and money, and having and not having, and had my offering out of my wallet and stuffed into my back pocket.
The American pastor, handsome in a rugged way, but in his sixties – white hair…punctuated movement – was saying something about preaching to the Gentiles, about Pauls message to those ‘outside’ Christ.
I got up, went back outside and chatted with the Guard a while, and then asked him if he’d accept my money.
When I got back in, the American pastor was telling us that the American Ambassador to Kenya had resigned.
The reason was a clash with Obama’s ‘administration.’
It turns out that Pride was celebrated in Kenya last week, as it was elsewhere in the world.
I didn’t know that.
It was celebrated and the American Embassy paid for a whole series of events.
The Ambassador, the Pastor is saying, is a ‘born again’ Christian, and that sometimes God calls us to stand by what we know is right – so he resigned. On Friday.
After the sermon, he took his place outside the tent, by what serves as the entrance. He had to pass right by me on the aisle to get there.
I stood up as church was dismissed, met him at that ‘doorway’, and shook his hand.
He has big hands, strong palms. They are warm.
I shook his big, warm hand firmly enough to get him to really look at me and said,
“This is my Church and I just wanted to tell you that I’m homosexual and I’m here.’
People were backing up behind me, wanting their turn to shake his hand – there had been loud grunts of approval and vigorous nodding of heads during his sermon.
Then I walked away.
You know – for me, the questions remain.
I have been homosexual (out) since I was twenty.
I was ‘born again’ when I was twelve.
I understand the discord.
My father was a good Christian and it wrecked our relationship. What else could he have done? How terrible it must have been.
When I learned who I was, I tried to kill myself.
Good Christians everywhere are asked to choose between what the bible has to say and what their hearts are telling them.
It’s an impossible position.
I get into my car, wave at the smiling security guard letting me out and drive way.
On the road God says to me…discern the Truth.
I buy two meat pies from the supermarket on the way home, certain that Simon will be hungry.
Thank you all for having walked with me One Hundred Days
This is the last post in the series.
May God be with you all.