Here I am.
It’s been quite a while since I wrote. To a certain extent, I’ve enjoyed the break. I’ve never done a hundred days of anything straight through – except perhaps, college.
I was an excellent experience. It felt long, and sometimes felt like I wouldn’t make it.
If I missed a day of writing, I made it wrong, and beat myself up about it – funny…it’s my blog, my choice!
Anyway, here we are, and I’ve decided to do a whole year now. A year. Jeez. Last time I tried that I lasted two months.
It’s a strange place to be starting a years project – in the middle of the year – but it’s been a year since Caroline died, a year since Joe died, a year since Mbone and a year since Sheldon – and the next year has begun for me.
This year, I am writing. It’s a writing year. I’m writing a script, and I’m terrified. I know what it means. I know the wrestle with meaning, the tussle with writers block, the very peculiar ‘downs’ you get when it just doesn’t seem to be going anywhere.
I hate it.
And yet it’s time.
I was thinking about what happens when I commit to something – when down the road it starts to look like work, like something I am trying to do well and then be free off, like a task, a chore, a thing to be finished with.
Yet at the time of committment there WAS a reason.
Am I having fun?
When I’m afraid that I’m going to fail, when I am afraid to try because I am going to fail, when I’m afraid to fail so i don’t start – I’m not having fun.
I realise I have not ‘been having fun’ for a long time.
That in fact, I can’t remember the last time I ‘was having fun’.
So that’s what I’m doing this year, everyday, on this blog. Each entry will begin with the question – Am I having fun?
I want FUN to bring FREEDOM to my life, and FREEDOM in my life, bring with it, a sense of FUN.
Now that I’m HAVING FUN…am I having fun?