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Day nine:… More loving conversation 

28 Feb

Hahaha!

This business is getting strenuous indeed.

When I woke up to todays meditation topic, I didn’t know if I’d read it correctly. Didn’t I just spend the day before being focussed on Conversation?

Anyway, off I went, into a day consummed by listening to my own conversation.

I was late to a meeting an had a depreicating conversation about that with myself. Silly man, should have left a litle earlier.

Made a specific choice WITHIN that meeting that meant that I didn’t have the opportunity to meet fully with a very close relative of mine, and had another depricating conversation about that. Why do I constantly put myself and my needs behind everyone else’s?

Wrote an sms to my sister to sort out an ugly conversation we had had the night before – you know – tried to be reconciliatory whilst still speaking my truth. Ahhhh. Not sure if I got it right.

Listening to a guest speaker from London speak at a retreat on Making Connections to God and to Self, I was taken by what effect words can have from a good speaker.

And having lunch afterward, I had a conversation with an Ismaili couple that left me feeling honored and re-newed, hoping I had done the same for them.

I was very aware of conversation outside myself.

This Catholic Woman who I receive my daily meditations from is kooky. I mean, how much loving can you do?

How much gratitude can you pour out?

But I hear her, and have a respect for men and women of the cloth for whom the concern with goodness is a way of life.

I’m just an ordinary human being so I find myself confronted by all this soul searching and goodness.

As I wind down with Jesus today, I notice that I and my friend are not the only ones here, that there are others who have brought what little they have – blankets and food – and are sharing amongst themselves the news that people town are angry, and something is about to happen.

Already I have broken many of the sacrifices I had promised.

Two remain; the first, one not to drink, and the second, not to use porn during this period.

I am missing these pleasures, happy to be placing them on the fire.

I wonder if they are too dirty to be offered.

I am inward looking, sombre.

I am revisiting the words I heard today – that I should first go forward into life, then inward, then upward towards God, then outward.

Lots of travel then.

“And the passersby say not God bless you.” (Psalm 129:8)

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1 Comment

Posted by on February 28, 2017 in Uncategorized

 

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One response to “Day nine:… More loving conversation 

  1. kreemer

    February 28, 2017 at 17:06

    So I forget whether I’m replying to these new posts or the originals. Nevermind.

    Kenneth, today you’re feeling good. Actually you’ve been feeling good for a long time. Apart from the stress of unresolved work, of which I can do nothing, I am happy.

    Not roaringly so but happy. No problems. Integrity. Am I ok with giving in secret? Do I need to be recognized? Praying in private? Am I OK that the ‘good’ things are not seen or do I then complain about not being appreciated?

    That inspired me about myself today – doing stuff because I want to and is in line with how I want to be with God, and it’s ok because I’m good with wanting to do right by God as far as I can.

    It’s alright Kenny, what you are doing.
    It’s o. k.

     

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