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Day Ten: Loving conversations with family and friends 

01 Mar

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I think it’s clear that the week is on conversations.

I woke up today and groaned when I saw the meditation. Conversation…with family.

 Last conversation I had with family didn’t go well.

It was with my sister.

 I wasn’t  in a good mood, she wanted to give me a hug and I didn’t let her.

She took offence, poor thing, but that made it worse.

I hate feeling blackmailed – love me or else! You SHOULD love me.

It’s so tiring because afterward I have to deal with feeling bad about a situation that I didn’t even ask for.

Anyway, that WASN’T today, today I DIDN’T have conversation with family.

Instead I listened to others conversations.

I’m not sure how close anyone’s conversations are to their true intent.

Infact, I noticed that most conversation is concerned with that moment in particular and has nothing to do with how people think they are, or what their lives are about.

I’m not sure what that means or what I’m trying to say!

I’m tired today…I think I’m sick and I’ll check it out because I’ve been really tired, physically, for a year.

I felt far away from everything that was happening – kinda floated along.

Tonight, I have the cat on my lap, there are people dancing around the camp fire for some reason, and I’m off to the edge, watching them.

I’m looking at Jesus and he has the air of someone doing what he was born to do. Nobody else understands. He looks surrounded and alone, all at the same time.

I want to go over and tell him something, (comfort him?), but I don’t. He looks in my direction and smiles. I wonder if he’d take a hug…he doesn’t need it. I wonder what it would be like to be his lover.

The conversation today at the BKs was about the range of relationships one has with God.

But I’ve been quiet all day.

“Do you see a man who is hasty in his words? There is more hope for a fool than for him.” (proverbs 29-20)

P.S. I’ve been thinking…if I were a woman, what kind of conversation would I be having with the bible? I’m never addressed except by another womans name.

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1 Comment

Posted by on March 1, 2017 in Uncategorized

 

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One response to “Day Ten: Loving conversations with family and friends 

  1. kreemer

    March 1, 2017 at 20:37

    Heh. I don’t really know what I’m doing here. Why I started this journey again. The first two days were electric – so long ago all this. Now, I don’t know, I’m boring myself.

    Where it looked like so much had changed, it looks now like I’ve been stuck for years.

    My circumstances have changed greatly but my thinking hasn’t.

    I’m haunted by Holiness and Sin. I can’t define Holy, yet I know without doubt that meeting a Holy God is an astounding and terrifying experience.

    I had a dream that like Moses, I was not going to be allowed to enter the promised land in this lifetime because of my sin.

    This Sunday the sermon soon Sin. And the new covenant. It was very powerful. So if I’m speaking to myself for the purposes of discovering myself in anther five years, I’d say this:

    A part of Sin is refusing to listening to that part of you that says no, don’t do this. A part of Sin is agreeing to be sorry for it.

    Isiah talks of disintegrating before the presence of God. How much of what is inside me is the same as what is outside?

    What is my level of integrity? Has it changed? Will it change?

    What do I stand for? Is it important to stand for anything?

    Although I am restless and bored, I am grateful for the comfort around me, for the physical circumstances I am in. Five years ago, I had nothing material.

    I am trying to be happy with myself.

    Kenneth you have a right, not an obligation to be honest. To live an authentic life. To say no and yes as it arises from within my judgment at the time.

    You have a right to live free of other people’s thoughts.

    You have now really, to create new thought about yourself.

    You’re turning fifty.

     

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