I think it’s clear that the week is on conversations.
I woke up today and groaned when I saw the meditation. Conversation…with family.
Last conversation I had with family didn’t go well.
It was with my sister.
I wasn’t in a good mood, she wanted to give me a hug and I didn’t let her.
She took offence, poor thing, but that made it worse.
I hate feeling blackmailed – love me or else! You SHOULD love me.
It’s so tiring because afterward I have to deal with feeling bad about a situation that I didn’t even ask for.
Anyway, that WASN’T today, today I DIDN’T have conversation with family.
Instead I listened to others conversations.
I’m not sure how close anyone’s conversations are to their true intent.
Infact, I noticed that most conversation is concerned with that moment in particular and has nothing to do with how people think they are, or what their lives are about.
I’m not sure what that means or what I’m trying to say!
I’m tired today…I think I’m sick and I’ll check it out because I’ve been really tired, physically, for a year.
I felt far away from everything that was happening – kinda floated along.
Tonight, I have the cat on my lap, there are people dancing around the camp fire for some reason, and I’m off to the edge, watching them.
I’m looking at Jesus and he has the air of someone doing what he was born to do. Nobody else understands. He looks surrounded and alone, all at the same time.
I want to go over and tell him something, (comfort him?), but I don’t. He looks in my direction and smiles. I wonder if he’d take a hug…he doesn’t need it. I wonder what it would be like to be his lover.
The conversation today at the BKs was about the range of relationships one has with God.
But I’ve been quiet all day.
“Do you see a man who is hasty in his words? There is more hope for a fool than for him.” (proverbs 29-20)
P.S. I’ve been thinking…if I were a woman, what kind of conversation would I be having with the bible? I’m never addressed except by another womans name.