It’s been all around me this patience thing.
It’s been hanging around since August last year.
I know preciesly when it began.
And it’s been everywhere, all at once.
I have tried my best, I have learned and re-applied and tried again.
I can’t beat it.
I was told ‘be patient’ very loudly, at the beginning of this year. Patience is everything. I have challenged myself and been more patient than I’ve ever been.
Still I fail.
I want to be patient in love, attending to those things in patience, that I should be attending to.
Generosity. Faith. Forebearance.
I get through one period of patience, say a month of this – fifty days of meditation – and I can’t go on.
Apparently all sin is born of impatience.
I tend to agree now. Anger, envy, lust – it’s all impatience.
Yet, surely, how to be patient forever/
I have tried and failed and tried again this year, honestly, and now I just feel like I can’t hang on anymore, something’s got to give.
That’s the time I’m told, that I have to hang on.
I know. I’ve done that, passed that point several times on this particular journey.
Now I’m just tired.
I no longer feel patient, I feel like – whatever – you know?
Whether I wait or not, I have to wait, the situation is not in my hands.
What’s bugging me at the moment is that at the end of this period I’ll be like – I know…I should have waited.
Just waiting isn’t patience, so I’m going to gather myself up again, focus on the things that I am patiently waiting for, and keep them in mind.
I’ll again, go out and face the wind, and smile and be grateful and forgiving and light, and trust that I can go on.
That I can keep on moving.
N.B. A post that made a difference to me this week: JRFibonnaci
“For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you…. so that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way… being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience…” (Colossians 1:9-11)