Today’s meditation is a very specific one!
Patience in speech.
When I meditate with the Brahma Kumaris, the thought is on always remembering God.
They call it Raja Yoga – the idea that every thought is of God, even as you move through your daily life.
It’s a noble exercise but after a couple of years I’m convinced that you have to be a Nun to accomplish it, and even then it’s very difficult.
The minute I’m finished with a ‘deep’ thought, I’m straight into ordinary thinking about ordinary things.
I wasn’t aware just how many thoughts I have in a second and how fast they are.
And this is all day. If you try it even for a minute – being aware of what you’re thinking and not just thinking automatically, you’ll see what I mean.
Even more stunning are the thoughts I have that I don’t even know I’m having!
The ones I remember – or more specifically, I’m aware of having – are those related to some kind of pleasure, even though they may be ‘bad’ thoughts.
Thoughts like; people don’t understand me, I wish I hadn’t done that, they were wrong, I should just have, next time I will – are all thoughts with a certain amount of pleasure attached to them. You know, re-working a situation to your favour, eliciting (blackmail!) appreciation from others, conjuring up reasons for the way things are that position myself as the victim of circumstance.
Thoughts like; tomorrow I will, I can achieve anything I set my mind to, I will buy, I’ll start again – are also all dealing with pleasure in some way but more overtly.
Inbetween there are all those things that I think of going from the pc to the car, from the shower to the livingroom – every waking step of the way, thoughts.
I realise that what I’m thinking about is linked to very deep aspects of myself and my wants and needs and are reflected in the speech that I use with myself and with others.
For the longest time, I’ve thought that this is just the way it is, the way human beings function.
The Brahma Kumaris will not take this lying down. It is just in-discipline. It is ignorance related to the information we are given on the nature of thoughts.
Somehow I get it.
I may not be able to do much about WHAT I think but the WAY in which I think is a habit.
How long does it take to change a habit? How long does it take to form a new one? Is there hope after 40?
I didn’t go to church today, nor did I do meditation with the Kumaris, too tired, too caught up in being despondant to bother.
I will watch my speech for the rest of the week and where I can, be patient with what I have to express.
‘’Clothe yourselves therefore, as God’s own chosen ones (His own picked representatives), [who are] purified and holy and well-beloved [by God Himself, by putting on behavior marked by] tenderhearted pity and mercy, kind feeling, a lowly opinion of yourselves, gentle ways, [and] patience [which is tireless and long-suffering, and has the power to endure whatever comes, with good temper.’’ (Colossians 3:12)