I was waiting for this one to come up.
The act of giving can seem like a chore sometimes.
I get frustrated by the motions I go through – sorting out those doubts (will my gift be used well), those feeling of lack (I don’t have enough for even myself), those of reward (I’ve done something good, see!).
I go through one or all of them everytime I give.
It happens automatically and I dislike it intensely, because I just want to give, whatever I’m giving, my time, my money, my co-operation, my love – without having it colored by anything else except my intention to share.
I get there in the end most times, but then I’m angry sometimes, when the opportunity arises, that it first presents these challenges in my thought, when I had just been moving along through life.
Giving time is the most difficult for me. I get bored easily, I like to run my own schedule, I’ve never really been accountable to anybody else for my time.
I also am not always very sure of myself.
Where I can remember to, I give as well as I can, and even when I am challenged, mostly I am committed enough to giving that I make it through.
Giving is my way of saying thank you to life and God for being with me when I didn’t deserve it.
Giving is my way of showing life that I can make choices inspite of ‘how things are going’ that are my own.
Giving is my way of really talking to God.