I was in a bad mood yesterday, inexplicably.
I had decided, at the beginning of the day, that I would not access the internet via my phone for the day.
I don’t know why.
I failed within the hour.
I took my car in for repairs and so was without transport the whole day.
I walked alot – and I enjoyed it!
However, by the end of the day, without the car, I was frustrated and jumpy and shouted at the mechanics about not having it ready.
I took up being off the internet from about 6pm to see if I could make a whole night without…and almost made it.
Simon’s sister came around last night and her cancer, which had been in remission, has returned.
It is ovarian cancer, same as my sisters, and I can see the same progression. She was diagnosed stage III ovarian.
I hadn’t realised it but I was in a foul mood from about 4pm.
No reason, but by 8pm it was a fully fledged black hole.
Simon’s sister is a devout Chritian, too devout almost!
She’s filled, filled, filled to the brim with all things Jesus, all things church, all things God.
I had a dream the other day where she was bathed in light and was being glorified for allowing God to work in, and through her life, for being the human being we are all called to be.
She believes a miracle will heal her.
I do not.
Having had such a powerful sense of peace the day before, I was suddenly restless – caught again in the ‘what if’s’ of my current situation.
What if the sale doesn;t go through, how will we live?
Anxious too about the state of my dreams.
I met a colleague of mine who is was doing very well, far, far, better than I, and it made me think about the state of my career, where I stand.
On simple living – I already lead a simple life.
I’m embarrased to even to mention what my daily expenditure.
However yesterday I was aware also, of the many others who live on far less, yet manage to do so with laughter.
What is it?
I’d like some more money please. Not a whole lot more…(well maybe a whole lot more!)…but really, just enough to live without having to constantly refer to whether I can afford it or not, constantly balance what I need, with what I can do without.
Having said that, I must acknowledge that my needs have always been met. I feel lack only in as far as I worry about my future and my families well being.
This week I am going to take a look at my life, and see if I can understand what is meant by simple living.