26 Apr

-Exodus 3:11-

-But Moses said to God, “Who am I, that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?”-

I’ve been thinking about purpose for a while.

I tried that whole ‘Purpose Driven Life’ course for a while. It was a little too dense.

Between ages 23 – 26 I worked out belief and faith and work and purpose (meaning).

Belief makes all things possible. Faith is what I use when it doesn’t seem likely. Work is what I came to do. Purpose is the cause of work and meaning is work’s result.


Twenty-five years later, I find that I have failed at what I believe my purpose was and have no Work.

I am living a very nice life. Everything is provided for. I have a beautiful house, I have a lover and I have enough money.

I don’t need to work.

I am confused by the Church. My belief still stands – but the God I follow and believe in is not reflected in the Christians I see nor understood in the sermons I hear.

And God is confusing in the Bible. God is distant. Part tyrant, part child with all the power in the Universe looking after all things yet wanting a personal relationship with me. God seems silent in the face of suffering and yet, I tell you, I owe everything to God.

So I follow.

Jesus is my avenue for the redemption of sin – sin that I acquire simply by being born human.

The Great Commission – go out and preach! – terrifies me.

I see intolerance and cruelty and hypocrisy and violence and favoritism and haughtiness and blame and war as people Chase after the supremacy of their own God. It’s everywhere. In every religion.

And so meaning in my life is not there.

Sometimes I say – if only I knew what God wants me to do, I’d do it!

Would I? How do I know it’s ‘God’ asking? Hitler didn’t listen to the devil. Trump may have a direct line.

And ig God said, sell all your belongings and follow me, would I go?

The prosperity gospel is tearing through Africa – desperate poverty clinging to hope, the preachers and teachers growing VERY rich indeed, the hardness of hearts, the intolerant cries for homosexual blood, louder and louder….

I am so grateful for my life. I am so happy. And yet I am sad. Without meaning there is no purpose and without purpose I am lost.

It’s a very strange place to be.

Leave a comment

Posted by on April 26, 2018 in Uncategorized


Tags: , ,

Talk to me!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: