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Day Ninety-Seven: Watching my response to criticism

 

 

You WHAT??!!!

I was looking at the Newspaper today and glanced through the University pull outs.

We have about five National Universities, only two of which I would consider.

They were advertising for this Falls admissions, and because I’m an older person, they won’t ask for education credentials.

They will ask for money.

The fees run about KShs. 200,000/= per year, approx $3000.

That’s all. For a degree. Wow.

If there’s one thing I’d love to go back and learn, it’s how to take criticism.

 

My whole live depends on how I approach opportunity.

I approach warily, like a lion ready to fight – or like a hyena, un-trusting that the thing is dead enough to eat.

I am defensive, and stressed out. I want to succeed, but often it’s more about succeeding in having people respect me, than getting the task accomplished. Power, money and adoration.

I am fearful.

 

To stand before criticism and understand – really understand – that it helps me get better, and doesn’t mean I’m inadequate, would give me the freedom to try. To try with all my might, and to do so in full light.

 

As it is, all my successes are simple ones…personal ones. I’ve reigned in my drinking. I don’t steal. I haven’t killed. I forgive as best I can. I am generous.

I’d like to be successful in what I do…successful not just dependable.

 

I’d love to, just once, believe that I could be the one to get the top prize.

 

Then, I’d like to learn humility.

 

“Jesus returned to Galilee in the power of the Spirit, and news about him spread through the whole countryside. He taught in their synagogues, and everyone praised him.” Luke 4:14,15

cartoon – http://sketchedout.wordpress.com/2007/10/page/2/

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Posted by on May 29, 2017 in Uncategorized

 

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Day Ninety Three: Abandonment

 

 

In the last week of the ‘one hundred days of love’ journey, the teacher takes off.

She writes on this week that we are to come up with the weeks meditation. She offers her format as one to follow, but means for me, really, to go into the Bible, choose my own scripture, ask for my own help.

I expected this somehow, and wasn’t surprised, but my first thought was – why do all teachers do this?

Why in the end, do they take off, and say; that’s the end of the course, you know what to do, apply what you’ve learned!

 

This week the, I’ll just pick something and write.

 

I feel that God has been moving away from me for a while now.

I also feel (I think!), that I’ve been moving closer to myself.

Being responsible for my own life, my choices, my mistakes, is not something I’m enjoying.

I feel abandoned.

 

No miracles, no ray of shining light.

No transformation of paper into gold.

 

I had a talk with my sister yesterday about the power of positive thinking to transform the life that happens around you, or at least transform your experience of it.

One thought, held over a sufficient period of time, can change everything.

 

I am not poor.

I am not weighed down.

I am not ugly, fat, inadequate.

Not good enough, not pure enough, not strong enough.

 

I am rich.

I am free.

I am free.

 

“I long to see you so that I may impart to you some spiritual gift to make you strong – ” Romans 1:11

 
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Posted by on May 25, 2017 in Uncategorized

 

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Day eighty-one: Anger – seeing the other side

 

 

(If you have something against someone else) “first go away and make peace with that person. Then come back and offer your gift (at the altar).” (Matthew 5:24)

 

Being angry takes a lot of energy!

I guess today is about trying to see what worth there is in anger and ‘getting it’ from the others point of view.

When I’m angry with someone else, I like to think that I have a reason.

Often I think…’…if the person just acknowleged it and apologised, it would be alright…’

I certainly wouldn’t think I’ve made some kind of mistake and view the person less favourably.

 

But when someone is angry with me, an apology is the last thing I think of doing, and I get afraid because I feel that I’ve let them down and they don’t want to work with me anymore!

 

Letting go of anger has something to do with confidence then, and a right view of the world.

 

What am I angry about? Why?

Still, just don’t tell me that I should make friends with someone who I’m angry with!

 

My case is on the 6th. I’ll let my lawyer deal with it.

 
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Posted by on May 13, 2017 in Uncategorized

 

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