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Day ninety eight: Dear Kenneth, a letter from God.

 

 

I am so pleased without​ you.

Really, I’m laughing so hard!

You will receive everything you have asked for because you have grabbed my attention this year.

I didn’t know it was so important for you to touch me everyday – you sound so happy and sure of being together that I let you do pretty much what you want.

I realise now that you need special attention, and so now I’m here to tutor you.

Don’t think too hard about those who have gone away. they have not gone anywhere, there are with me.

Remember not to be afraid when you die, it’s not painful.

Do what you like but speak to me first.

You are not doing me any favours.

I like to hear you laughing.

If you want to help people you must tell them about me. You can do it any way you like but listen to me first.

I will be as clear as I can be from now on.

Hold onto the people around you who are loving you, but remember that you love yourself more.

Where money is concerned, be careful not to loose yourself in too much or too little.

And be careful not to loose your head.

Where I am concerned, I enjoy your company.

I can’t be where there has been no effort.

But I will not be where there is no truth.

So be honest first, and all those thing will follow.

Don’t write regiments for yourself – I don’t do that.

Have sex, have fun, explore the world my dear Kenneth, and everything in it, purity is in your intention.

There is no power in purity however. You must act.

Beyond all this know one thing. You are as special to me as everything else in this Universe.

I have my way, and every human being is known to me. I am in their lives for real, in every minute, in every minor conversation, in everything that happens to them.

I am with you not just as a force, and my force is unlimited, but as God, your friend, your father, your brother, your mother, your sister your lover.

As for Simon, I thank you for jumping in there.

I promise you that I am also with him fully.

I accept you as a couple.

You have much to learn.

And I will use you as an example.

In all things, remain as you are, grateful, and I will always be God.

Good night, and well done.

 

“They will come against you with weapons, chariots and wagons and with a throng of people; they will take up positions against you on very side with large and small helmets. I will turn you over to them for punishment, and they will punish you according to their standards.” Ezekial 23:24

This week I have been opening the bible and just picking the verse that falls in front of me, a way, I guess, of ducking my responsibilty for reading, and leaving it to God!

This one seems so murderous, so deadly.

It seems he is talking about Israel and the surrounding nations, but through the story of two prostitutes who do not remember God, and insist on prostituting themselves to their eventual persecutors – handsome young men, all.

I do not know what this means.

I think the idea that comes across is one of trading the happiness I find with God,for the pleasure of the things of this world, actually barter in a way – If the world can give me so much, how much more can you give me?

But I don’t know.

In light of what I have just heard, I think, I must not think in terms of punishment, nor in terms of false sacrifice.

I must continue to grow, and explore and enjoy the world, but do so with the express permission of God.

I must ‘see’ him first, before I act.

 
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Posted by on May 30, 2017 in Uncategorized

 

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Day Ninety-Four: A letter to God

 

 

For a divine being you don’t look after yourself very well.You worry about the most mundane things and time moves on.

You know that you define the space around you and yet you insist on sitting in shit.

You refuse to think about the good things you did, always harping on about how if only this and that would change, if only I had made the right choices.

You create life, and then complain as it goes according to your plan.

You get angry and sulk when it’s not all about you.

I want to tell you something.

You are a necessary part of life. You have a right to laugh and have fun and have sex.

You cannot continue to blame everyone else for everything that is going wrong.

You have to create something new.

You must create life anew.

 

Am I divine?

 

“For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.” Isiah 43:19

 

 

 
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Posted by on May 26, 2017 in Uncategorized

 

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Day ninety-two: Co-operation & Anger 2

 

 

So, as I approach the last week of my one hundred day journey, I hesitate.

I began on a whim.

Easter was approaching, I hadn’t done God in years – at least not in a concentrated way.

And, watching TV, I channeled into a Praise and Worship station, something I do very rarely, to find an old woman, holding her own on a lively debate about one hundred days of focused worship.

I went to her site, and signed on.

She’s an odd kettle of fish, a Catholic nun with a Ph.D and a very sort of – um – pernickity way of being.

 

I have pretty much managed a post a day, but there have been two periods of about a week each that I vacationed – both times preceeded by a night out on the town.

I don’t know what I’ve accomplished.

I need to know.

So this week, starting tomorrow, I will look at what has happened to me; what I was hoping for, how I am now and what my hopes are going forward.

Today I continue to seek cooperation from life, and freedom from anger.

I hope to find promise and progress in the practical matters of life – a conclusion of sorts on some property issues, an avenue, perhaps to a new job.

 

I want to find that my heart has changed, and that there is joy in my life.

♦photo – Mike Moruzi

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness…” (Galatians 5:22)

 
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Posted by on May 24, 2017 in Uncategorized

 

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Day Ninety One: Anger & Cooperation

 

 

We’re having a big week at the Brahma Kumaris Center this week.

Everyone must co-operate.

There are tents to be erected, lectures planned, food cooked.

Some people will want to do things this way, others that.

Personalities will clash.

 

I was sitting in meditation class today, wondering if I should raise my hand and say something about Soul and Companionship with God, or doing what you say being the path toward becoming who you say you are.

Would this have made me seem intelligent?

Would Porkiben have pointed me out and said to the class – see, this one is making effort, feel the energy?

Would it have been important to me?

 

What does it mean for me to be co-operative?

 

This week I am going to watch how I co-operate with people and with life.

I’m going to see If I can watch my anger like it’s a different person.

I’m going to greet myself and see if I can see myself whilst located within an understanding of myself as a Soul.

 

I am going to stop talking about it, and take flight.

 

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness…” (Galatians 5:22)

 
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Posted by on May 23, 2017 in Uncategorized

 

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Day ninety; anger and quietness

 

 

Have you ever made your point, and thought you’ve made it well?

And then kept talking, and the more you talked, the less powerful your words were/

I do this all the time.

I’m very articulate, I’m very sensitive and how I participate in conversation provides a great deal of thought or humour or insight depending on the situation.

I know this without being big-headed about it.

But, always, ALWAYS, so taken by the effect I initially have, and mesmerised by the power I feel, I go further.

Every word beyond that is designed to elevate me.

The result is wasted space and an experience of not being listened to.

 

Anger fuels itself.

I’m angry, and I convince myself that I am angry for good reason, and I direct that anger at someone else, and they get defensive, and I get more angry because they can’t see that I’m right to be angry, and then we’re both angry and nothing has changed except that we’re angry.

 

I am going to begin to speak less.

I am going to be quiet and allow myself only to speak when I have something to say.

 

I am going to try and listen to others and to God more.

I just may not succeed.

 

“The ornament of a meek and quiet spirit…is in the sight of God of great price.” (1 Peter 3:3-4)

 
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Posted by on May 22, 2017 in Uncategorized

 

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Day eighty nine; myself and anger

 

 

I think I’m angry with my Dad.

I think I’ve been angry with him for a long time.

I often wondered what they meant by ‘anger being a part of grief’.

Each grief is different I think, and I am not angry that he died.

Infact, I cannot see how things would have worked out the way they did for me, had he not.

It makes me angry at myself to see that this is true.

 

I am angry with him for not having left in the right way.

As though there is a right way to go.

 

For a man who had everything in order for so long, he broke up in the end.

But I’m angry at God too, for having arranged a situation bigger than us both.

 

I’d have loved to know my Dad…as I’m sure he’d have loved to me.

I cannot be angry at him anymore.

I cannot be angry at myself.

 

 

 
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Posted by on May 21, 2017 in Uncategorized

 

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Day eighty-eight; Priorities and anger

 

 

It’s been a long weekend.

It began with a funeral, private, and has become a National Funeral.

 

This morning at Church, I was asked what my priority is.

My mother?

My lover, my child, my car?

 

Do I love God above all else?

 

What does this do to my thoughts on people who don’t listen to me, even when I am the ‘authorising’ figure at the moment?

Taking offense when people don’t take what I am saying because I’m beating them over the head with it, is like hitting myself, and wondering why it hurts.

I can say my piece without being right.

It doesn’t matter.

What I want is to be free to live, and let others feel the same.

Delivering my piece has got to be part of it, but it does not need to be taken, or else.

 

I am aware, that I am serious when I feel there is something at stake.

When what is at stake is my own righteousness, and it’s not taken seriously, I get angry.

 

I would prefer to prioritise something that makes me feel good.

Or at least, not make anger, first.

 

“I am the Lord, the God all mankind. Is anything too hard for me?” Jeremiah 37:27

 

 
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Posted by on May 20, 2017 in Uncategorized

 

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Day eighty-seven; anger and helpfulness

 

 

It’s my mum’s birthday today.

And I’m reminded that, people’s live are important.

That I don’t know why I was born, or why I will die, but that I was and I will, and that my mum and her life inspire me.

I was at a funeral on Friday, and it reminded me that others too, have fixations on people – that the phenomenon of fathers and mothers and brothers and sisters, is universal, and it’s called family.

Being helpful, in the midst of anger, is not something I’ve thought about before.

 

What is being helpful anyway?

 

Sometimes I think being helpful is just a way to help myself.

When people are helped, they’ll either help me in return, or at least shut up.

 

Being angry has so much to do with whether at that moment, I am being helped, or that I’m not.

I can be angry with myself sometimes also, when I think my actions have not helped myself or anyone else.

 

When I am thoughtful about being helpful, even when the experience of the moment, threatens to be one of anger, I create space for myself, and for those around me, to consider the existence of a better way, and to understand, that whatever the case, I can be a better man.

Always.

 

This makes me feel that it is worth it.

That t I can fight depression with inspiration, and that when I am inspired, it’s a gift that I can use to be helpful.

 

And I find that I enjoy being helpful.

After the effort.

Truly, I find myself blessed, and anger banished, in helpfulness.

 

“You have not strengthened the weak or healed the sick, or bound up the injured. You have not brought back the strays or searched for the lost.” (Ezechial 34:4)

 
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Posted by on May 19, 2017 in Uncategorized

 

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Day eighty-six; service, leadership and anger

 

 

I have been thinking about service.

Am I a servant?

When I am angry, who am I serving?

Most times I am angry, it is because I think I have not been served.

I have not received what I feel I am entitled to…

Respect, gratitude, recognition, an apology.

 

I rarely serve.

When I do something for others it’s not because I am serving them, it’s because I am serving my own need to be helpful, or to forgive, to to somehow, pay for my sins.

 

I have an uncle whom I respect very much, who until recently was the Attorney General of Kenya.

He is an extraordinary person.

Everything about him revolves around service. It drives him.

My own father was the deputy director at UNEP.

He was an extraordinay person.

Everything about HIM was about service.

 

Me?

I ask myself…am I an extraordinary person?

Do I serve my work, the people I lead, my God?

Do I serve anything at all?

 

“Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God, so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist. After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples’ feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him. He came to Simon Peter, who said to him, ‘Lord, are you going to wash my feet?’ Jesus replied, ‘You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.’” (John 13:3-8)

 
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Posted by on May 18, 2017 in Uncategorized

 

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Day eighty-five; cooperative forces

 From the front yard at Simons

 Venus Live internet, Norway2012

 We did see it! Honest!

“ A dispute arose between them about which should be reckoned the greatest, but he said to them, “Among pagans it is the kings who lord it over them, and those who have authority over them are given the title Benefactor. This must not happen with you. No; the greatest among you must behave as if he were the youngest, the leader as if he were the one who serves…here I am among you as one who serves!” (Luke 22:25)

 

Celestial bodies cross in and out of each others paths all the time.

One galaxy collides into another, a billion stars fight to illuminate a billion planets, eclipses are a dime a dozen – depending on where you are, and whether you think.

This morning (In Nairobi), Venus crossed in front of the Sun for the second time in ten years and won’t do so again for another hundred years.

It was a small dot against a shimmering backdrop – so small it looked like a pimple on a smooth, orange cheek.

Simon woke me up, and we put on all the sunglasses we could find, and we went outside, and peering through a piece of photographic film, saw this dot, there, on the very edge of the glowing surface of the Sun.

We saw it.

With the shadow of Venus exciting my retina for the very first time, I understood that Venus is not a star, is not a moon, it’s a planet.

I saw on this planet and in this moment the possibility that, in many years to come, perhaps thousands, other human beings would gaze on another planet – one not so hot, not so angry – from which an organised signal had just been received and to which we were just sending a reply, one on which other creatures, appendages on brow, would be gazing back to us, standing, peering up, right here on this blue one at the edge of the Sun.

I like doing things my way and when I’m in a group, I like to lead.

I can follow too but I follow, begrudgingly.  I do not listen well, I do not feel I inspire people, I am bossy and I fight to get things done.

This week I will meditate on Co-operation. I want to learn to co-operate with the forces of live.

I want to learn to co-operate with those forces of Providence, Planning and Patience that shape my moments of growth.

I want a chance to feel like a part of it- a true part of life – feel as though I am important, and can change things and can make a difference – but the Universe throws up billions of shadows, off billions of planet, onto billions of others.

Venus has crossed and nothing has changed.

It’s gone off without me and I want to know where I stand.

This week I will learn of co-operation.

 

Take a look at a LEGO a day – a glorious lego look at life! This post on his ‘Transit’.

“You know that the so-called rulers of the heathen lord it over them, and their great men have absolute power. But it must not be so among you. No, whoever among you wants to be great must become the slave of all men! For the Son of Man himself has not come to be served but to serve, and to give his life to set many others free.” (Mark 10: 42-45)

 
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Posted by on May 17, 2017 in Uncategorized

 

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