Tag Archives: faith

Throw the mountain into the sea

-Matthew 21:21-22-

-Jesus replied, “I tell you the truth, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and it will be done.

If you believe, you will receive whatever you all for in prayer.”-

These words have great resonance when I’m in trouble.

So many times, I have felt Mercy in my life…I have escaped the consequences of bad decisions, I have evaded debt (probably the thing I am most grateful for) I have found myself ok with life.

These words resonate deeply with people in need.

I can’t help thinking though, of the promises being made on behalf of them.

So many people put their trust and faith into these words.

I do.

Prosperity preaching is so seductive – and the faith is so genuine. Healing. Freedom from poverty. Mending of relationships. Everything is possible.

I feel bad. How can I begrudge these people?

Still. The pastors are very rich. What happens to the hope that’s placed in these words?

I have felt abandoned by God in my own life but I’ve never felt let down…if that makes sense.

Everytime I have asked, God has been there. Everytime.

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Posted by on May 4, 2018 in Uncategorized


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To believe or not to believe

-Luke 4:40-

-“… When the Sun was setting, the people brought to Jesus all who had various kinds of sickness, and laying his hands on each one, he healed them.”-


-Luke 5:4-11-

-When he had finished speaking, he said to Simon, “Put out into deep water, and let down the nets for a catch.”

Simon answered, “Master, we’ve worked hard all night and haven’t caught anything. But because you say so, I will let down the nets.”

When they had done so, they caught such a large number of fish that their nets began to break. So they signaled their partners in the other boat to come and help them, and they came and filled both boats so full that they began to sink.

When Simon Peter saw this, he fell at Jesus’ knees and said, “Go away from my, Lord; I am a sinful man!

For he and all his companions were astonished at the catch of fish they had taken, and so were James and John, the sons of Zebedee, Simon’s partners.

Then Jesus said to Simon, “Don’t be afraid; from now on you will catch men.”

So they pulled their boats up on shore, left everything and followed him.-

These stories I remember from when I was a child. Even the song, Fishers of Men.

But belief is all I have this far out.

This morning, as in a dream, I saw that Believing in God is madness, even from the point of view of the Bible.

The Old Testament is a slaughter-house. God and Israel wreak genocide on whole peoples – women and children included.

These peoples are God’s own people – descendants of Abraham; the Canaanites are descendant from Noah himself – they’re cousins.

And God is not the only one waging these wars and Israelites are not the only ones experiencing good civilisations.

The Gods of Eygpt are at times ascendent – of Assyria at other times, of Rome of Greece of India.

Yes, all fall but then so does Israel.

Yes Israel is forgiven and rises again but they are not the only ones.

So starting with Matthew, the miracles are extraordinary. And the only way to believe is to believe that they happened. They were seen. They were experienced.

Nevermind that; ‘How blessed are those who believe and have not seen….’ stuff.

If I believe today then I must be willing to accept the accusation that I am believing the fantastic. I must accept that these things don’t really happen, that Science is in fact correct, that I am behaving in exact contravention of the Laws of Life.

I have to.

Because if I don’t, I am overwhelmed by the loneliness I feel in believing something so obviously un-natural, that I must be mad and I am in danger of justifying the madness and violence this belief has wrought on Human History.

If, however, I was there, and the fish were threatening to sink the boats, then I must believe.

Is EVERYTHING in the Bible true? As written? Infallible? Exact?

-Luke 7:14-

“-Then he went up and touched the coffin and those carrying it stood still. He said, Young man, I say to you, get up!”-

How can I know? I can only have faith. And I must rely on the Spirit – which sometimes appears fickle.

Hitler used it. He was full of Spirit. So is Putin. So is Trump. There are pastors whose anointing is so full of Spirit they receive millions and millions of dollars preaching.

What do I do?

I have been meditating and praying for years. And I may do so until I die.

I am afraid I must now, not because it’s true but because it’s the only way I have to justify my life and the choices I have already made.

I am acutely aware of how ridiculous believers sounds to non-believers….and how silly I sound to myself.

Conviction alone cannot be the basis of belief…can it?

The only redemption I find is that these are spiritual matters.

I don’t think Jesus claimed to be the ONLY way.

He only says that he IS the way. Are there others? There certainly are stories. In fact. Every religion.

And so Christians think that they can go across and say, no, ours is the only way?

Not seeing that every other religion sits in exactly the same boat?

Do I know the way? Can I know the way?

Am I called to read between the lines? Or am I then, a heretic?

And when all is said and done, I turn, I turn and face God.

-Luke 5:15-16-

-“Yet the news about him spread all the more, so that crowds of people came to hear him and to be healed of their sicknesses.

But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed.”-

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Posted by on March 19, 2018 in Uncategorized


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On Jews and Gentiles, Slaves and Freedman

Who said this is the only Universe?
Kenyans and Circumcision, and Israelis and Immigration, and Liberals on Circumcision and Conservatives on Liberals:

-1 Corinthians 7:18-

-“Was a man already circumcised when he was called? He should not become uncircumcised. Was a man uncircumcised when he was called? He should not be circumcised.”-

I did not know that Freedman was a word.

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Posted by on February 14, 2018 in Uncategorized


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If only

If only I had the time, the

Less ambition, if
Only I knew right from wrong, I

Would change the world, paint it

Pink, I would
Love freely, if

Only I could.

♦Photo – Personal♦

Jeremiah 29:13

-you will seek me and find me when you seek with all of your heart-

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Posted by on October 2, 2017 in Uncategorized


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Day Eighteen – On forgiving Authority! Pt.1

It’s 1am in the morning and I’ve just read this.

I think I missed a day! Or almost. or something. I’ve been meditating on forgiveness in general today. It’s only now I understand why it wasn’t focussed – I hadn’t read the meditation!

I’ll take it to bed and hope that isn’t cheating.

Wait…what does that mean about tomorrows meditation?! I’ll have to accomplish this meditation in bad, then finish it in the morning, before I read the next one.

I feel as though I’m not spending enough time with the people in question (i.e friends, family, authority…) that I need to, in order to fulfill the days missions.

Ahhhhh….this would be a good day for a post from Paula….I think I wandered off into a cave somewhere and they’ve all moved on!

Authority. I don’t like authority.

I’m already having a problem following these meditations. This lady…Rhonda…it’s like she’s a paragon of contritness.

If I get any tighter I’m gonna suffocate!

Priests have a mighty hard time…catholics especially. It’s all code. Abide by this. Abide by that.

The Nuns at the Brahma Kumaris are the same. They wear white and if you’re not wearing white you soon begin to feel like you should be. The amount of washing….

I pretty much own my time. I like to think that it’s a good thing, but I really, I don’t have the disciplice for work I’m now too old to find it.

Is that a good thing?

I resent authority an yet, when I’m on set, I expect things to go the way I say.

What is authority? Power?

God has authority over my life.

What does THAT mean?

I surrender my decisions to God. Is that because it’s easier?

How much authority over my own life do I have?

How do i exercise it?

Can I choose to die?

This thing with a newer view – I see it coming – where we deciede when we die, and have someone help us do so that wrong?

Is suicide wrong? And whether it is or not, do we have a right to govern that authority over others?

We’re in the desert proper, the shore has disappeared, it’s brown and dusyt all round, horizon un-ending in every direction.

There are few of us remaining and food is not available.

Does this Jesus exercise authority over food?

Can he just create bread, or does life itself submit to the authority of Physics?

What about all the healing?

What about lazarus?

When my boyfriends Nephew died, his sisters church people prayed over the body and demanded that God return life to the boy.

Would I demand the same for my sister? My brother? My father?

When the time comes, would I demand it for my lover?

When I say God has authority over my life, do I have the right to say I asked and did not receive?

My experience is this – I have always had what I’ve needed, when I need it.

I have prayed in the past and received, quite quickly, what I saw was an answer.

I have also prayed and received what I feel to be stone cold silence.

Through it all, I have believed.

Whether or not it makes sense, I have faith and I believe.

Would I still believe in Jail? Under torture?

If it were shown to be, that God was just life in action – no personality to speak of – if everything was just it AS IT IS, and God, just the Generator, Operator and Destroyer of it all – would I have failed myself by living in faith?

I am lost in thought on this one – these questions – about how alive god is in my life, how real he is.

The responsibilty of maintaining my family has gotten so heavy, and I just don’t see how it’s going to work out.

Over Christmas I was ‘told’ that this year I am going to feel the power of my God in my life.

I believe it.

But gracious me…living in faith is a certain kind of madness.


Posted by on March 13, 2012 in Uncategorized


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