Tag Archives: forgiveness

Day Eighteen – Forgiving authority Pt.2

Thanks Paula for the post yesterday.

It focussed something for me: Forgiveness is the only way to go.

Whether or not it makes sense or it is difficult, when I don’t forgive, life becomes heavy.

I walk around hunched over, the un-forgiveness rules me.

Everything I think and do becomes linked to my choice not to forgive.

Forgiving is easy – and very difficult – both at the same time.

I have to ‘give up’ something to forgive.

I have to ‘give up’ being right and accept that I could be wrong.

I have to give up feeling hurt and victimised.

How would it be if Jesus felt hurt and victimised? Actually, did he feel hurt and victimised?

Forgiveness sets him apart from everyone else.

He was absolute about it. Even when you are wronged, you MUST forgive.

I think about the clash between Karma and Mercy when I meditate with the Brahma Kumaris.

With them, the deal is tough.

What you did yesterday, what you do today and what you will do tomorrow, construct who you are, the kind of life you live, the joys and sorrows you experience. .

It is a noble way because you cannot escape responsibilty for your own life, and responsibility for the state of the earth.

But in my eyes it diminishes the sovereignity of God.

It does not make him cruel, it makes him foreign, and it conditions him to a force that, though he maintains, is un-willing or un-able to interfere with.

It makes him unforgiving.

I took the thought of forgiveness and Authority to bed with me yesterday and I came up with this: Forgiving Authority, respects that authority in your life and allows it to guide you.

The act of submitting to authority, gives you, for the time that you have submitted to it, a chance to live your life free of yourself to some extent.

Are you responsible for what you do under someone else’s authority? Or does that authority become responsible for your actions?

Who is reponsible for the soldier and his actions?

And who has authority?

More questions.

In this war for my life – and i feel it’s a war everyday, to achieve a comfort and happiness that counters fear – can I be fully and wholly accountable for my words and my deeds…every single one of them?

This morning I looked at Jesus, all ragged and smelly, and felt small.

This man asks me to count on him completely.

How far can others count on me?


“What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you?… You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel.” James 4: 1-2

♦photo – Museum of Contemporary Arts, Chicago♦

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Posted by on March 13, 2012 in Uncategorized


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Day Eighteen – On forgiving Authority! Pt.1

It’s 1am in the morning and I’ve just read this.

I think I missed a day! Or almost. or something. I’ve been meditating on forgiveness in general today. It’s only now I understand why it wasn’t focussed – I hadn’t read the meditation!

I’ll take it to bed and hope that isn’t cheating.

Wait…what does that mean about tomorrows meditation?! I’ll have to accomplish this meditation in bad, then finish it in the morning, before I read the next one.

I feel as though I’m not spending enough time with the people in question (i.e friends, family, authority…) that I need to, in order to fulfill the days missions.

Ahhhhh….this would be a good day for a post from Paula….I think I wandered off into a cave somewhere and they’ve all moved on!

Authority. I don’t like authority.

I’m already having a problem following these meditations. This lady…Rhonda…it’s like she’s a paragon of contritness.

If I get any tighter I’m gonna suffocate!

Priests have a mighty hard time…catholics especially. It’s all code. Abide by this. Abide by that.

The Nuns at the Brahma Kumaris are the same. They wear white and if you’re not wearing white you soon begin to feel like you should be. The amount of washing….

I pretty much own my time. I like to think that it’s a good thing, but I really, I don’t have the disciplice for work I’m now too old to find it.

Is that a good thing?

I resent authority an yet, when I’m on set, I expect things to go the way I say.

What is authority? Power?

God has authority over my life.

What does THAT mean?

I surrender my decisions to God. Is that because it’s easier?

How much authority over my own life do I have?

How do i exercise it?

Can I choose to die?

This thing with a newer view – I see it coming – where we deciede when we die, and have someone help us do so that wrong?

Is suicide wrong? And whether it is or not, do we have a right to govern that authority over others?

We’re in the desert proper, the shore has disappeared, it’s brown and dusyt all round, horizon un-ending in every direction.

There are few of us remaining and food is not available.

Does this Jesus exercise authority over food?

Can he just create bread, or does life itself submit to the authority of Physics?

What about all the healing?

What about lazarus?

When my boyfriends Nephew died, his sisters church people prayed over the body and demanded that God return life to the boy.

Would I demand the same for my sister? My brother? My father?

When the time comes, would I demand it for my lover?

When I say God has authority over my life, do I have the right to say I asked and did not receive?

My experience is this – I have always had what I’ve needed, when I need it.

I have prayed in the past and received, quite quickly, what I saw was an answer.

I have also prayed and received what I feel to be stone cold silence.

Through it all, I have believed.

Whether or not it makes sense, I have faith and I believe.

Would I still believe in Jail? Under torture?

If it were shown to be, that God was just life in action – no personality to speak of – if everything was just it AS IT IS, and God, just the Generator, Operator and Destroyer of it all – would I have failed myself by living in faith?

I am lost in thought on this one – these questions – about how alive god is in my life, how real he is.

The responsibilty of maintaining my family has gotten so heavy, and I just don’t see how it’s going to work out.

Over Christmas I was ‘told’ that this year I am going to feel the power of my God in my life.

I believe it.

But gracious me…living in faith is a certain kind of madness.


Posted by on March 13, 2012 in Uncategorized


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Day Seventeen, Pt2 – Forgiving your friends



I’m home now.

I’m just watching footage of the Japanese Tsunami.

I had no idea how bad it was. Villages were swept away.

I remember the scale of the one on the Asian coast. What was the final number?

It’s the whole, families, villages, cities thing that gets me.

The silent retreat this weekend was very DEEP for me.

I learned that self love is where you start.

I learned it leads to self-respect.

I learned that detachment does not mean disconnection.

I will feel, I will be in situations, I will be with people – but – if I place myself in love and self respect – then I can observe the situation and be of help, rather than succumb to anger, or resentment, or panic.

I’ve re-discovered that Truth actually, is everything.

I heard that God loves me, that we are living in funny times and the world is going to be pummeled by natural disasters of epic proportions.

This is a prediction based on the way things seem to be going,by people who claim affinity with these sort of things.

I am learning to love people I don’t even know.

So tonight, round the camp fire, looking at Jesus, I am beginning to understand that this man loved people he never met. People who beat him up and then killed him.

I feel very special…but I want to ask…why? Why does he love us? Jesus? Ok…he was a man so perhaps he learned that he wanted to be loved and if so, then everyone does.

But god? Why does HE love us? Me?

Is he mad?

I forgot who I’m supposed to be forgiving.

“Love prospers when a fault is forgiven, but dwelling on it separates close friends.” Proverbs 17:9

♦Photo from Buzzfeed: 50 Stunning Pics of The Japanese Tsunami♦


Posted by on March 12, 2012 in Uncategorized


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Day fifteen: Thinking about forgiveness

I don’t know what I was expecting.

I’m tired of looking at myself…..ahhhhhhhHHHHHH!

Today I’m to make a list of all the people I would like to be forgiven by.

There are so few…hahaha!

No really, all I can think of is my Sister, but I’ve done this before and it just seems to leave the door open to more rubbish.

I get to a perfectly workable relationship, then I open the door and the same rubbish walks in.

Sigh. I wonder if you can forgive but ask the person to stay away?

It’s going to be a long week. I really can’t think of anyone I need to forgive. I have no grudges that I’m carrying, nothing that comes up.

Except myself and God.

I have alot of regrets in my life. I was never the person to think that I would but I experience these moments of regret.

It’s everywhere. All my memories have been taken over by regret.

I don’t know when it happened but I feel like all the choices I made were wrong, all the experiences I’ve had are fake, all the friendships I’ve had, I’ve not been good in.

Tonight round the fire, everyone is quiet. No-one’s talking, not even Jesus, we’re looking into the flames and being together.

I want to ask him what he means when he says he has the power to forgive.

By whose authority? When he says God’s, what does he mean?

When he takes about his father, who is he talking about? The Hebrew guy…Abraham etc?

What about my lot? Where are my ancestors in all this?

Anyway, I stare at the flames and resolve to see this through. Wherever he goes, I go.

“Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.” (Luke 11:4)


Posted by on March 9, 2012 in Uncategorized


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