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Day Seventeen, Pt2 – Forgiving your friends

 

 

I’m home now.

I’m just watching footage of the Japanese Tsunami.

I had no idea how bad it was. Villages were swept away.

I remember the scale of the one on the Asian coast. What was the final number?

It’s the whole, families, villages, cities thing that gets me.

The silent retreat this weekend was very DEEP for me.

I learned that self love is where you start.

I learned it leads to self-respect.

I learned that detachment does not mean disconnection.

I will feel, I will be in situations, I will be with people – but – if I place myself in love and self respect – then I can observe the situation and be of help, rather than succumb to anger, or resentment, or panic.

I’ve re-discovered that Truth actually, is everything.

I heard that God loves me, that we are living in funny times and the world is going to be pummeled by natural disasters of epic proportions.

This is a prediction based on the way things seem to be going,by people who claim affinity with these sort of things.

I am learning to love people I don’t even know.

So tonight, round the camp fire, looking at Jesus, I am beginning to understand that this man loved people he never met. People who beat him up and then killed him.

I feel very special…but I want to ask…why? Why does he love us? Jesus? Ok…he was a man so perhaps he learned that he wanted to be loved and if so, then everyone does.

But god? Why does HE love us? Me?

Is he mad?

I forgot who I’m supposed to be forgiving.

“Love prospers when a fault is forgiven, but dwelling on it separates close friends.” Proverbs 17:9

♦Photo from Buzzfeed: 50 Stunning Pics of The Japanese Tsunami♦

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Posted by on March 12, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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Day fifteen: Thinking about forgiveness

I don’t know what I was expecting.

I’m tired of looking at myself…..ahhhhhhhHHHHHH!

Today I’m to make a list of all the people I would like to be forgiven by.

There are so few…hahaha!

No really, all I can think of is my Sister, but I’ve done this before and it just seems to leave the door open to more rubbish.

I get to a perfectly workable relationship, then I open the door and the same rubbish walks in.

Sigh. I wonder if you can forgive but ask the person to stay away?

It’s going to be a long week. I really can’t think of anyone I need to forgive. I have no grudges that I’m carrying, nothing that comes up.

Except myself and God.

I have alot of regrets in my life. I was never the person to think that I would but I experience these moments of regret.

It’s everywhere. All my memories have been taken over by regret.

I don’t know when it happened but I feel like all the choices I made were wrong, all the experiences I’ve had are fake, all the friendships I’ve had, I’ve not been good in.

Tonight round the fire, everyone is quiet. No-one’s talking, not even Jesus, we’re looking into the flames and being together.

I want to ask him what he means when he says he has the power to forgive.

By whose authority? When he says God’s, what does he mean?

When he takes about his father, who is he talking about? The Hebrew guy…Abraham etc?

What about my lot? Where are my ancestors in all this?

Anyway, I stare at the flames and resolve to see this through. Wherever he goes, I go.

“Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.” (Luke 11:4)

 
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Posted by on March 9, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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