The title is so tired!
I’m fefling flat – I get that I feel flat alot.
I didn’t leave the house today, spent it by myself.
I set the alarm this morning and then left the phone downstairs.
Know that ‘missed-alarm-meeting’ feeling?
I was furious with myself, I was furious with my boyfriend, I was furious with the traffic.
I didn’t express any of this of course, I hugged him as I left, cursed silently at the government, forgave the alarm clock.
I had already been thinking about forgiving myself as soon as forgiveness came up as a topic to meditate on.
Is that the same as being forgiven?
Today, the moments of regret were tempered.
I am stopping myself from being derogatory ABOUT myself.
It’s odd. I took that to be humility.
Actually it’s a disrespect to my self.
I’ve had this long standing thing that respect is not something i need.
I don’t need to be respected by anyone, I don’t need to puff my chest out,
Explains why then, my thoughts about myself are so bad.
I don’t understand. Why now? You promised!
I hadn’t realised just how bad it had gotten.
I’m embarassed and ashamed and I’m not going to do it anymore.
That’s what I told Jesus around the campfire today and he smiled.
He asked if I was hungry.